


i thank the universe

by mahistrado



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Ficlet, M/M, mental health, secrets of the universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-13 20:51:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9141724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mahistrado/pseuds/mahistrado
Summary: it’s an ugly, ugly part of himself that acknowledges the pleasure of even’s attention during his ups.





	

**Author's Note:**

> a lil ficlet that came to me in a dream last night. title from [this gorgeous rupi kaur piece](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/a4/ce/e4/a4cee42e0c8d3b3100b9c93eb97a0b04.jpg). new years’ blessings. xo

it’s an ugly, ugly part of himself that acknowledges the pleasure of even’s attention during his ups. it’s blinding and heady, being looked at like the key to saving the whole fucking world is just underneath his skin, like even can kiss and lick and nose his way to any goddamn answer he needs, right here on the expanse of his body. it’s been long enough now that he can tell the difference between love and the manic fixation. though, he suspects that all the infinite universes in the world would never give him enough time to piece through the feelings that both kinds of attention send to settle shallowly behind his sternum: warmth, and disbelief, and deep, curling anxiety. how is he supposed to sort between the real and the imagined? it all digs into his heart with the same unforgiving ache. 

the guilt that lines his stomach as it fills with the swooping force of love and adrenaline is the only thing that keeps him from flying off into the beautiful stories that even spins, naked and gorgeous and staring at him with gravity completely and utterly undeserved for a seventeen-year-old whose thoughts only extend at most two weeks into the future at a time. he doesn’t deserve the manic fixation any more than he deserves even’s love, so what’s the difference in indulging the fantasy that he might be something _serious_ , like he is not so small and temporary and inconsequential in the grand narrative arc of the universe. 

these moments, under even’s hands pressed flat to his chest and murmured words of forever into his ear, he can almost believe that the solar system is spinning around them. if anyone could bend the fabric of space and time around themselves like a blanket, it would be even. and in this beautiful delusion, even would always, always bring him into the fold.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on [tumblr](http://mahistrado.tumblr.com)!


End file.
